Archive for the 'nowadays' Category

Hi. Beautiful, a little bit cloudy Saturday today. I like Saturdays so much! Not like the last semester, It’s a day for me to get relax. Last couple of months all days were like a holiday. But now holidays are holiday so I enjoy proper days.

Those entries are really helpful for me to realize what is going on around me and myself and by this; I can see where I am on the process. By all the entries I enter, at the end of this education year; I want to write one big entry which summarize what did I do September 2010 to June 2011. I excited to be in willing to write that entry. It’s important. September to June. That duration is the duration which I will never forget. My so small audience know this. Lithuania baby!

Nowadays; I am a fixture of the university Everyday school. Before 15 min. of the lesson begin. I am right there in the first place. Life is strictly in your hands. If you took seriously. If you want to get, If you want to do. You can make, there is no other facts affect it. Yes maybe some circumstances are exist that can make you break-off the life and get drunk and cut yourself but It’s an easy way. (yea, so easy!) To prevent this situation all you can make it, going to school and not to think the things which can make you feel desperate. There is one quote I like nowadays: “Do your things, don’t be stupid.” That’s true, otherwise I am writing poems but people doesn’t like my face.

Some things are inside my brain is fixed. They are always there on the place. And by this fixed things, I am living my life. Those things are there, like a question will be asking to the teacher, like a will be solved soon, like you circle the question and say “I think I will ask to one of my friend”. It stays there and I continue to my things.
For 1 month, I am clean It’s cool to say like this. But When I look at my life entirely; It’s extraordinarily normal. I am living the processes really on time. Those years are years that which has to make me feel I am the biggest lover in the world and I am the most heart broken person :’( And those years are the years that I don’t know what to do about next years. It’s like I don’t know where I am on the line. And I directly feel like that. When you are on your 20′s you feel like that. And I see I am one of those people, who live kinda’ like this times before. Everything is normal. Everything is on time. It’s time to see the decisions are made for one time. And on them; we have to think a lot. After It became our life. After we can find ourselves near suicide. Then we slept and there are nothing so much important to cut off your life. The people we believe, the values we believe, the values which are taught to us the most important. Are not so shiny.

Less times to the exams, internship process are moving forward day by day. Line is getting clear. Everybody is making the things which are expecting from them. No surprise appeared. Musics are still good. I still enjoy Burger King. I can feel excited about the beer, still. And I still make people laugh when I am in my mood.

And thank you people over there for their bloody supports to change Özgür Yavuz.

Thank you.

No entry without music for sure; my French teacher told me I have nice accent! Yeyyyyyyyy! Alors on!

You can be in a relationship, you can’t love but you can’t give up.
You can be in a situation that you have a deep connection with her.
She can be the partner of the best times on your life. And the worst.
She can be the reason of your deep breaths, your articles. Your conversations.
She can be your tears and your laughs in your subconscious
A shelter; you hide when you afraid. A flag which you kiss; when you are happy.
Your love is without profit, response. Unlimited
One day, you realize something is bleeding.
Daggers of passionate desires become shining.
You become criticize her life, her being.
You start to find a way to live together while you both free.
Your love is not famous anymore.
You had a conversations with your friends: What is changed ?
From your subconscious; Riots appear.
You know It can’t continue like that, pray to the god that please she changed.

And the world which once upon a time; shining with her smile. Turns to a nightmare.
She closed her heart’s doors.
You try to convince yourself that all I made was to just for her happiness.
You know you can’t go on if It’s over. But you know; It’s not possible like that.
Then It become an end.

Then “ok then” times start.
She moved on when you love like that. She choosed other people.
She doesn’t know your preciousity. Then you say “ok then”
While you are screwing this rewardless love, you try go aways.
Immigration starts.
You try to find new free places. New ports for yourself.

But you don’t forget, you took a seat and start to watch; what is going on around her?
She is covered with daemonical, bad people. “As you think” You realized.
She likes them, live with them, praise them. Praised with them.
You thought, “It’s her choice”
But then the songs which you listen together, like together, a smiliar smile, a girl on the street who is looking like her. Remembered her to you. A smiliar smell…

With people, between new laughs. You told about her. You cry.
You miss her smell, sing her song, want eat her meal which is prepared by her, way of being her.
From another part of the world, everynight you went to your bed with a soul full of her love.
Pray to the good that she hears this.
You want to turn around and shout. I still love you.
You can’t turn.
Day by day, you can’t see, you love more. Day by day, you get far; you become tied.
You understand it’s helpless love. It’s not possible without and with her.
A passion to die in her arms and a suspicion in your mind. And so what ?

And you don’t know what to do.
Creeping like that… Like that

Who is guilty. A god? You? She? Destiny?
Nobody.

Where is her white hands. Surely;

Not with you…

Hi. 28 days have passed from my last entry. And 45 days have passed that I promised myself to write here everyday. It means I can’t do something continously even I promised to myself and mostly the promises are which given to myself are most breakable as I see. And 1 month passed that I invite Metin to a challenge. But It seems he didn’t accept. Ok.

As we looked that 28 days. So much things happened. The world is becoming to change incredibly fast. It’s hard to catch it as I want. It become complicated to be an updated to all news, challenges and conflict of the life. Life is hard. To live healthy is hard. To have an appetite to the challenges are hard. But the things are handling somehow. Anyway.

Last one month passed with resting. I gave all the exams and learn how to ski. I feel myself quite ok on it. I think I will continue but I am not sure, ok It’s exciting and can keep you fit. But It lost it’s shine in the first time. We’ll see…

On the world, the most popular topic is what’s happening in the Middle East. As you already knew; Tunisia and Egypt presidents run away from their country. Civilization wants it. It’s the same civilization which keep them on their luxury leather chairs for long times. Everything is going to be finished. Appetites, Money, Power, Love, Presidental Palaces. If you don’t see what’s going to be happen and If you close your eyes to the innovations and your people needs. All you got it; went to your summer house with 40 billion Euros. It doesn’t seem so bad. But chair is a chair. Power is power. Nobody wants to loose it.

The most funny story is from Tunisia. About Zine el-Abidine Ben Ali who is the ex-president of the country. His wife is belong to the family which is the strongest and the richest of Tunisia. And this women is the person who is ruling the country by the in front face of her husband. And sources say; when they are leaving the country; she said to her husband: “Come here quickly; dumbass!” And that poor man is tried to be in rush. So what we learn? It doesn’t mean that you have the power; even you ruled the country for 23 years. Sometimes pussy owners are womanize, paralyze and “monetize” you. Or whatever. You just lost the country and your lovely wife is shouting at you. It’s cool.

And Egypt. Hosni Mubarek. Tahrir Square. The things happened there is also extraordinary and also represent the changing of the main structures. “Nowadays” even revulations are organizing by social networks. One young boy organize people from Facebook and burn the fuse. You have to know the progress so It’s another entries subject.

And this 2 men. Zine el-Abidine Ben Ali and Hosni Mubarek. Rumours are saying that they are ill. They’re in coma. What a love to their country. They don’t want to give to nobody. Even civilization wants it. They’re in love trouble like me I can say. But They have to their country and they are old people so they are ill. Mine is poorer near them.

About my education. It’s quite good. I have goals to do. Erasmus Exam is infront of me. If I made good point on it. The university will help me to find an internship. If not, I have to find myself. And; I am in AIESEC database. I am searching for suitable TN (companies) But probably, I will be somewhere eastern in this summer. Highly, in India.

And next year, I will try to study in İstanbul University. By Farabi Programme. Turkish Erasmus I can say.
And next year, I will pass TOEFL and GMAT. I have three country which is on my head. Germany, Spain and Czech Republic. Maybe France. I am beggining to learn French.

Now playing: Finch – Perfection Through Silence.

and enjoy him dying.